#ForHolly: Red flags for domestic abuse

The need for power and control underpins domestic abuse. For Holly, this was no different. So manipulative was her abuser that he isolated her from her family and made Holly feel that she was to blame.

We are working with Holly’s mum, Annette, and the Lincolnshire Domestic Abuse Specialist Service to raise awareness of what abuse is. This cannot bring Holly back, but Annette is determined that her death should not be in vain.

Annette said, “Sadly, meeting the man who cruelly took her life was just the beginning of a rocky road for Holly as she embarked on a life of domestic abuse and, despite our trying, as a family we never managed to save her from that.”

So Annette took the brave and inspiring decision to try to help others by highlighting the red flags in a relationship and what Holly suffered at the hands of her abuser.

• Jealousy, suspicion, rage, control – this is not the behaviour of a loving partner.
• Someone who cares for you will not love bomb you one minute, only to give you the silent treatment the next.
• They will not ask you repeatedly where you are going or where you are…. then turn up there.
• They will not follow you, monitor your phone or check on you relentlessly.
• They will not isolate you from your friends and family.
• They will not threaten to hurt themselves if you leave.

Does this sound familiar to you? Do you wonder if it’s your fault? Holly was never to blame for the treatment she suffered – and nor is any victim or survivor of domestic abuse. Please read the words of her mum:

“We miss Holly so much our hearts are broken. But, if anything, we need her death to highlight that domestic abuse is NOT OK.  If she had recognised what this was, and what she was being subjected to, we may have her home with us now.”

“It was a real privilege to be Holly’s mum, I only wish we had been able to do more to save her. I really do hope this campaign will make a difference to someone suffering in the same way.

“The biggest hurdle is getting that person to listen, to realise that they are not in a safe relationship; for them to believe what their worried family and friends can see, that they can't. That's the thing we need to get across because Holly couldn't see what a controlling, coercive fiend he was. But we could.”

Even if you don’t want to report it to the police, please know there is help and support available.  

#ForHolly

This release is part of our campaign #ForHolly in which we, together with Holly’s mum, Annette Bramley, and the Lincolnshire Domestic Abuse Specialist Service, are working to raise awareness and promote help and support for domestic abuse.